Which has nothing to do with this year’s thankfully very slow Atlantic hurricane season. I was talking more about Mindy Smith’s song Hurricane, and the lyrics:
I need a hurricane
To empty out this place
Seems it’s the only way
To salvage any sense I have left
To move on
I sometimes think it would be easier to change if I lost everything, and started over from scratch. No two mortgages, no car payments, no house full of clutter, etc. Of course this is not making light of anyone who’s lost everything, I’m sure they’d say it’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes the bad spirit on my one shoulder starts suggesting I should just get up and walk away, start again somewhere else in a way that’s more like my “dream life” (lots of land, small herd of sheep, small house with a craft studio). Then the good spirit on my other shoulder waves pictures of my husband and my dog in front of me, and I come back around to realizing that they’re the most important things to me, and that just walking away and starting over just isn’t an option.
Making the dedication to share your life with someone you love isn’t always easy. You don’t always share the same goals as you move on through the decades. And if the love isn’t there to glue you together, perhaps you can just leave to move on. I, however, am definitely lovingly glued. And my husband would resent the whole sustainable farm life. He’d rather run a coffee shop. And with both our medical issues, that whole health insurance from work is a must have. And of course there’s debts to be erased from our past high-on-the-hog living. I’m still on the lookout for a solution that would fit both our dreams. And perhaps the government will one day manage to find a solution for the health insurance issue.
In the meantime I’ll just continue to dream, and if there’s no hurricane I’ll just have to use the intermittent breeze to blow things into shape.