Who the hell is that fat woman in the mirror?

Denial is a powerful thing.  It’s amazing what people can ignore, given the opportunity and the will.  But eventually most (certainly not all) people hit a point where they realize it’s gone too far.  Some let it go further than others.  I’ve had all the signs of denial for quite a few years.  I didn’t like to have my picture taken.  I avoided looking in the mirror.  In my mind, I was still that skinny high school student, no matter what my body was telling me with its movement and creaking and gasping.

I was a skinny child. I was a skinny teenager. at 5’5”, I graduated high school a whopping 105 pounds. But when the mile and a half daily bike rides to school ended, and the 8 hour workdays sitting on my can began, the pounds started to slowly pack on.  I’ve gone on and off the bandwagon over the years, and when I was ill with cancer I lost 30 pounds before they came back after it was all done.  Gee thanks pounds, you really could have stayed lost.  I’ve gained 40 pounds in the last 4 years, and I weigh more than I ever have.  And last week I finally caught a glance and the mirror and thought “Holy crap!  Who the hell is that fat woman in the mirror?!?”  I literally didn’t recognize myself.

Call it a tipping point, but I finally realized the buck stops here.  I am done with the upswing.  I’ve started weight watchers online, I’m getting back to the gym, and I’m ready to keep going for as long as it takes.  I’ve got my first goal: to lose 5% of my body weight.  Starting weight: 215.  Next step: 204.  I hope to lose 20 pounds by July.

I’m hoping that by sharing this with you all, I’ll keep up my motivation, and work through the challenges that come both with losing weight and with keeping that weight loss in the realm of natural, balanced living and eating real foods.

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